It is so very simple to focus on that which depresses us, that which lets us down and angers us. It is as if focusing on these things gives us some sort adolescent permission to neglect our duties, our responsibilities, our Wills. But truly, it is only the pursuit of that which is righteous, that which is progress, that which is our Will, that will raise us out of any pit of despair into which we’ve fallen. To wallow, weep and wonder why is easy. To rise above, that is noble, high and in some ways holy. Whatever that means to you. I know my definitions of things do not always match those of others. Such is the way of subjectivity. But give me that, please, any day, over “objectivity”, that pretender, that faux friend, that enemy in the shadows, waiting to spring like a spry specter.

I spent nearly the entirety of my 20s engaging in exactly this sort of behavior, and it got me next-t0 nowhere. It’s some kind of miracle that I even managed to stay employed or befriended during this very distasteful period of my life. My 30s, of course, were an improvement, but still yielded not quite the fruit I sought. Again, I flitted about, spending too much time and energy on those things that bring not progress, but poverty, of the pocketbook and soul.

It would not be, in fact, until my late-30s that I would discover Will, as if it hadn’t been knocking at my door, tapping me on the shoulder all along, but I had not the ears with which to listen, they were muffled with vapidity, fear and laziness. These have been some of my greatest sins, if one is to adhere to such a noun, and for them I ask for forgiveness of the Universe and all the Sages who tried to prompt me along the way. Of course, the best way to truly atone for such transgressions is to get off of one’s proverbial duff and actually be proactive, busy, Willful. Here’s to it.

93, 93/93

Advertisements